Facing My Fear

Well today I awoke a FREE woman! Free from what you ask? Free from the fear of my hair. Yes for years I have feared my hair. I feared its kinkiness, I feared it's tightness, I feared my curly locks. Because I didn't know what to do with it, I refused to touch it, wash it, comb it, style it - Without the help of a professional.

But last night something happened. I walked into my house, put down my bags, stood in front of that sink, turned on that water, PRAYED-CRIED, and took the plunge. As the water began to stream down my hair, I realized there was no turning back. I didn't know what I would see at the end of this process, but I refused to give up. I was reminded of the scripture in Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me, yes ALL THINGS - even wash and style my own darn hair. So I asked God for help, for the strength to not be afraid of the thing that He gave me.

So after 1 hour and half of co-washing, moisturizing, and twisting it was over- I had stood in the face of fear with faith as my sword and slayed that HAIR DEMON! As I looked in the mirror at myself, I felt a flood of emotion. I cried, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me, I cried, because I saw how beautiful I was, Kinks and All! I cried because I realized that there is NOTHING that I can't do, God has equipped me with everything I need to overcome any obstacle I face - even my Hair.

When I came to work this morning, everyone that saw me stared in amazement - compliments of WOW your hair looks amazing - can I touch it! Some even had a little "hair envy" (smile). So today I embrace the ME that God purposed for me to be and I say to her I LOVE YOU!

It's Our Anniversary

So today marks my 4 month anniversary from the "Creamy Crack" as I like to call it. Wow! I can't believe I have not jumped ship and gone back to getting my hair relaxed. I know its only been 4 months but I have learned so much about my hair, but more importantly about myself. I told my husband this morning that this journey has been challenging but bitter sweet. It feels good to not really "trip" out over my hair. Not worrying about sweating out my good perm, or hot and humid days attacking my just flat ironed tresses. I don't mind sweating out my hair to get in a good workout - something I never though I would do! Actually this past weekend my husband and I played racquetball together - I locked myself up in a hot box, smacking a red ball around, sweating profusely for one hour and not once did I think about my hair. I got a chance to spend some quality time with my husband, and take care of my temple.

Tonight I'm going to attempt to do something that I haven't done since I was a teenager - WASH MY OWN HAIR. I have always been so afraid of my hair, and the way it curls up and locks up on me when I wash it. But today, I feel confident that I can face that fear and actually give it a shot. When I told my husband he told me "you can do it". He even told me that he likes my new natural. So a sister is feeling really inspired, off to Carol's Daughter I went to get my products.

I got their new co-wash conditioner, hair milk (original), and hair pudding (gonna try to two strand twist it). Not sure what the outcome will be when I awake in the morning, but whatever it is, I promise to embrace it, embrace me, embrace my locks and ROCK IT THE BEST WAY I CAN!

Can I touch it?

A little about this blog. Back in December a co-worker and I decided to start a Walking Program, you know to get in shape and to lose a little "baby phat". Well it was going so well that after 4 months of walking and being able to walk 3 miles in less than an hour, we decide to step our game up. So we started RUNNING. Now please understand running is nothing I ever thought I would do. When I first met my husband he asked me to run with him and I gave him a laundry list of excuses on why I couldn't. The main one being my "HAIR". I could not fathom, sweating out my "good perm". So NO NO NO it was not an option. Well when my co-worker and I started running I said well maybe I can run and not sweat too much and still save my hair.

Well that obviously didn't work. I found myself needing to go to the hair salon every week, which was taking a toll on my pockets, but I was falling in love with the rush I got from Running. So I had to make a decision between my addiction to the "creamy crack" or "running". Once I started to see the transformation my body was making because I was putting in 3 miles of running, Running won hands down!. So March of this year was my last date with the "creamy crack". Its been almost 4 months and no relaxer. I decided not to "Big Chop" as they call it on the natural hair websites, not because I was afraid but because my husband wasn't having it. So I'm doing the Long Transition.

At first I had no clue what to do with my hair, and then my stylist suggested that I try "straw set" as my transition style. VOILA! it worked, I love it, I can run with it and still maintain my style. The journey has been interesting. Especially when sharing with my "black sisters" that I'm going natural. The responses have been eye opening. But I'm finally embracing my "nappy roots" and falling in love with the "new me".

Today when I got to work, this lady in my office who is "natural" walked up to me and said: Oh My God I LOVE YOUR HAIR - Can I touch it?  I said sure (really, can't believe I said that). She touched my thick, curly, nappy roots and said: It is so Beautiful. That statement meant more to me than she will ever know! It reaffirmed for me that this journey, though not widely accepted is about me. It's about me Loving Me for who I am, not being afraid to be the Me that God created and embracing the Black and Beautiful that God gave me.